Thursday, August 28, 2014

Can you say "cray-cray"?

Looks like I've yet again chosen Prompt #4 from Writer's Workshop:
10 things you've learned from reality TV.
I haven't written much about this - yet - but Ella Numera Dos and I spend a large hunk of our summer evenings gobbling Chinese food and digesting the outrageous behavior on "The Real Housewives of Orange County."
What I've learned during these hours of DVR-scrolling is that if you think folks will suffer the most embarrassing humiliation for money, you're probably right. Which is why:
10. Vicki Gunvalson continues to exhibit a faux-resilience that only a woman who is unashamed of both how she looks and how she acts can safely exhibit. She also knows how to wear a dress that shows both the "party in the front and the party in the back," whatever that means.
9.  Tamra Judge enjoys inflicting almost impossible to believe psychological damage on anyone who crosses her path. I wouldn't be surprised if she subjects the Bravo staff to some of her vicious vernacular. And at the end of the day, it's all about Tamra, so please don't judge her (even her recent "work" makes her look like Maleficent reincarnated).
8. Shannon Beador has no shame. Bravo producers either knew she had a few screws loose when they cast her, or they know how to jerk her chain in the most despicable fashion, creating toxic personality cocktails that usually involve Shannon, vodka, Tamra, vodka, Heather and vodka in the mix. Can you say "needy"?
7. Lizzie Rovsek might speak with a poochie, Botox-enhanced mouth, but her Kentucky Fried Ta-Tas (thank you for that, Tamra) do most of the talking. A stereotype down to the polish on her nails and the liner on those Bambi eyes, Lizzie is one clueless chica.
6. Heather Dubrow is Tamra Judge, only taller, a brunette and conveniently married to a plastic surgeon. Although she sometimes flashes more gray matter than the typical OC babe, she won't cook and she likes to complain. Oh, and Heather is always right. Always.
5. The men who hang around the Housewives are L-7 weenies (Did you ever see "The Sandlot"?). With the exception of Terry Dubrow, who likes to mix it up with the ladies, these guys have no flair for drama of the absurd. For the most part, they're younger, boy-toy candy, mostly devoid of brains and favoring brawn instead. And then there's Brooks. Oh, and David, but he's sometimes part of that Shannon, vodka, etc. cocktail (please see Number 8 for reference).
4. Most of the drama is scripted. But you knew that. Wish someone would script a trip to Cabo or Bali for me.
3. The story lines are quite repetitive. What keeps us coming back week after week, I think, is unadulterated shrieking. Oh, and we're waiting to see what Tamra's facelift looks like when it loosens up a little by the end of the season.
2. Other people's problems, no matter how invented, make for good summer television. Sort of like a video version of a beach book. But some of these scripts make me think that Danielle Steele deserves the Nobel Prize for Literature.
1. Everyone likes a good train wreck. Yes?


Tara R. said...

My daughter loves watching the Housewives.. all of them from the OC to Miami, Atlanta, to New York and Jersey. All the ladies are certifiable. I can't watch without a continuous commentary about their nuclear level of insane.

Lady Goo Goo Gaga said...

Why do they keep going away together for these girls' weekends??? It always ends badly!!

Miriam Gomberg said...

I've never watched any of the housewives shows but clearly I am missing out. Who needs drama when you can watch it on tv? Thanks for sharing!

Mo said...

Lol, this is AWESOME! I enjoy that show (although I have to say I am partial to the NYC ladies) and every time I sit down and subject myself to that nonsense, I wind up with a headache. My husband can't even come within 20 feet of the living room, all the screaming and screeching drives him batty. But there is just something about it that makes me go back for more...even with all the scripted-ness of it. (I know there is no such word, or is there??)

Mama Kat said...

This is one of my greatest guilty pleasures. :)I actually really like Shannon by the end of this season. She's definitely sensitive, but the other girls weren't helping. Tamra is a major pot stirrer!


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