Wednesday, March 24, 2010

It's Only High School: Part 1

Taking Out the Trash
As my long-time readers know, I have a special bond with my students. I teach them oodles of cool things: How to break blockbuster stories in the school paper, how to dress to impress and how to come off as the brightest crayons in the box, among other skills. But often, we do a little bit of trash-talking.
Because I'm the newspaper & yearbook adviser, I teach these kids over the course of 3 or 4 years. I first met the young man above when he was a 14-year-old froshie. I guess you can tell what I thought of him by the time he was ready to graduate.
Apparently, I am a woman of many quaint bromides. I interject them in the middle of a diatribe about deadlines; I sprinkle them in a convo concerning intrepid interview techniques. I've compiled quite a few of these maxims over the years. So much so, that my cherubs started making a list.
Number One Scribe Saying? "It's only high school." The kids get so wound up over the least significant of details. A cross world can send them dithering into the great beyond, at the end of which~natch~is that great high school equalizer, DRAMA.
One of my journalistas wants to make T-Shirts. On the front would be the line, "What Would Scribe Say?" On the back would be "It's only high school," followed by a few more tidbits from my Ĺ“uvre.
Here, to wit, is The List. Hope you get a good giggle out of some of my sayings...
Original Scribe-isms
  • Just stop. (When they're doing too much of anything...talking, yelling, gossiping, belching, etc.)
  • OK—I’ll wait. (When the decibel level reaches Mach 12 & I can't get anyone's attention.)
  • Do NOT Perturb & Outrage me! (I do not care for the mental image that the common acroynym invokes.)
  • Yeah—whatever. (When the little ones make mountains out of molehills.)
  • Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii… (Repeated several times, softly, to get the crowd's attention.)
  • Stop picking your noses. (When they're, well, not doing what they're supposed to be doing.)
  • GUYS! (To command attention when the softer approach doesn't work.)
  • Let’s all sit around in a circle and sing "Kumbayah." (When they're sitting around picking their noses instead of doing their work.)
  • Let’s not all jump at once. (When they "volunteer" to do something, usually involving extra credit.)
  • Holy Guacamole! (A utilitarian interjection/exclamation.)
  • If frogs had wings, they wouldn’t have to hop. (For those who tend to come up with far-fetched scenarios. As in "But, if so-and-so does such-and-such, wouldn't...?)
  • Life in the fast lane. (When one or the other gets overwhelmed.)
  • What’s up, Sweet Pea? (A greeting from my Texas youth.)
  • It’s not brain surgery. (When a cherub wants to make a task MUCH more complicated than it has to be.)
  • OK, I’m an idiot. (When someone points out that Mrs. Scribe's reasoning is not quite, well, reasonable.)
  • Do you KISS your MOTHER with that MOUTH? (To reprimand my cherubs for the occasional stray "F Bomb" that drops in Room 215.)
  • Pardon your French. (Same use as above.)
  • It doesn’t matter. (Again, when the cherubs become overwhelmed. Or the teacher becomes overwhelmed. Or both.)
  • Who are you tapping to? (When a student breaks out the forbidden cellie & starts texting.)
  • You’re all nitwits! (A utilitarian phrase that comes in handy around teens. Believe me!)
  • Talk amongst yourselves—for 5 minutes. (When someone~a friend, an administrator, a former student~appears at my classroom door & I must interrupt the "routine," I channel Mike Myers' Linda Richman. You know, the "Coffee Talk" lady from SNL back in the day.)
  • Questions? Comments? Criticisms? (More rhetorical than substantive, although I really DO want to hear what they have to say.)
  • It's only high school. (Because, well, it IS only high school, isn't it?)


quilly said...

Whenever my students got hysterical over something silly they forgot to do, I would tell them, "Remind me to beat you later." and they would know it just wasn't that big a deal.

Courtney said...

ah, if i had only realized/understood that in high school... now i say to myself "it's only grad school..."

cat said...

Oh I loved this post!

Amy said...

Courtney, I was just about to post the same thing! Also, I've been given to saying, "It's only eight more months" or however long until graduation.

Caution Flag said...

I think there's so much truth to "It's only high school." If only we could get them to learn that while they're still in high school.

I fear that if my students collected my verbal crutches, the #1 would be, "Put your phones away!"

Susie said...

I love that! My daughter's Spanish class made a T-Shirt of their teacher's sayings. So, you must be doing something right:-)

Tortuga said...

Oh I love these! I must write them down for personal use at a later date!

Debbie said...

I want you to come teach at our high school. Sounds like you are just the kind of teacher I want my kids to have:)

Denise said...

Great post! I don't know how you do it.. It takes a special person :)

Persis Shah said...

i love "life in the fast lane" and "its only highschool"...i wish someone would have said this to me whilst i was in school...tiny things used to me such life "or death decisions for me then :D


Janine said...

What a great post! Thanks for the inside peek into your classroom.

xoxoKrysten said...

This post is awesome!

Andrea said...

"Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?" That's a good one! I love it!

The Blonde Duck said...

You must be an awesome teacher!

Tracy P. said...

That's awesome! Gotta put things in perspective, after all. Glad your journalistas get it! :-)

Queenie Jeannie said...

Love 'em!!

I'll bet you are an all-time FAVORITE teacher!!

Thank you.

I'll also bet you don't get thanked nearly enough.

Yankee Girl said...

You're right, it IS only high school, but most of them won't even understand what that means til years later.

And please, call everyone nitwits! That is amazing!

carma said...

I like "you're all nitwits" best - sure that one gets used a lot.

I'm always saying to my son "it's only middle school" because there is so much pressure now with the end of year tests, etc. and in the scheme of things - does middle school count for anything????

Nance said... mean there's life after high school???? (LOL!)

And what? No "Stop the presses!"?

The Mommyologist said...

I cannot even imagine dealing with high school kids! You are a saint!

Kristin said...

I wish I'd had a teach like you!

mama-face said...

The best thing about these 'quaint bromides'-learn something new will I fit that into my vocabulary...

I digress. The best thing is that each one is completely applicable to the job of raising your own children. woot woot.


miss jo said...

I love this list of Scribeisms...Can I get a t-shirt ?...Love the fabulous, trashy foto !

WaistingTime said...

Came by from SITS:) Loved this post since I still have a high schooler. Wish you were here to drill some common sense into his head!

Mighty M said...

I like "Holy Guacamole". :) Plus it is making me hungry too. Now, where's the chips??

HappyChyck said...

Ohmygosh! It's like you're in my head. About 85% of those are also common in my classroom, too. Hilarious!

Small Reflections said...

Ohmygosh ... the flood of mem'ries from my years in the classroom have swept over me reading this post. Methinks you might be my sister separated at birth!
Hugs and blessings,

Rabia Sensei said...

I love this post! Thanks for sharing. I'm a new teacher. And I'm still learning how to 'handle' my pupils. (Well, now I learn a few tricks from you) =D
By the way, I like the idea of making a T-Shirt of 'Teacher's Saying'. ;D It's so funny~
Short Movie "Chocolate" By Yasmin Ahmad


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