Sunday, January 17, 2010

Pat Robertson-Word Vomit Extraordinaire

Pat Robertson Voodoo Doll

I've been in a funk all week. Haiti weighs heavily upon my mind.

But just as Mark Twain found funny in poor Jim's misfortune & Jon Stewart finally found the ironic side of 9/11, I now have something to smile about.

Check out the Pat Robertson Voodoo Doll, up for grabs on eBay.

"After an exclusive deal with devil," says creator johnnyvoodoo on his bid site, "we are finally able to bring black magic into your very own home! The lucky winner of this auction will attain the soul of Televangelist PAT ROBERTSON in a handheld figurine comprised of the finest straw, cloth, and other organic natural materials!"

Robertson, natch, is the nut case who hails from my state. He's the "spiritual adviser" to my new governor. And he's also the one who has perennial Hoof-in-Mouth disease. He said the following on his allegedly "Christian" broadcast last week:

"They [the Haitians] were under the heel of the French. You know, Napoleon III, or whatever. And they got together and swore a pact to the devil. They said, we will serve you if you'll get us free from the French. True story. And so, the devil said, okay it's a deal."

In other words, the Haitians hated their rulers, back in the day. Voodoo somehow came out of that. So they-I'm not making this up, Robertson implied it-deserved what they got last Tuesday.

What a moron. And what an evil, effing, un-Christian-like piece of word vomit. I'm outraged. But johnnyvoodoo turned the tables on the stupid jerk. And 100% of the winning bid for johnny's Pat Robertson Voodoo Doll goes to the American Red Cross, which is helping with Haitian relief efforts.

This superb satirical jab comes with a wonderful poke (get it?) at what makes Robertson tick & why I'm so perturbed with him

"Ever wanted to cause Pat Robertson a massive headache? Give him back pain? Jab him in the crotch? Of course you have! Well then BID NOW to own your very own physical representation of the dark, dark soul of Pat Robertson."

Robertson, of course, is the one who also linked Hurricane Katrina & terrorist attacks to legalized abortion. So much for separation of Church & State. And brain from intelligence.

No joke. But this man certainly is. Maybe whoever buys the Pat Robertson Voodoo Doll will stick a pin in Robertson's heart. But I'm not sure it would hurt him, 'cause I'm not sure he's alive.

This rant is brought to you by The Scholastic Scribe's Silly Sunday Sweepstakes. There's still time to conjure a caption for this Superior Snap. And to bid on the Voodoo Doll. Bidding is open until Tuesday the 26th at 11 p.m. PST. Good luck!


Tortuga said...

Oh if only I had the money, I would SOOOO bid on that thing! I'd probably then turn around and send it and the donation receipt to Pat Robertson with a heartfelt note. Can't guarantee it'd be a nice one though!

quilly said...

No caption, just agreement that Pat Pobertson doesn't deserve the label "Christian".

Vodka Logic said...

He's the effin' devil..evil monger. How can he ever believe the crap from his mouth.

Quasi Serendipita said...


Amy said...

Did you read the "letter from the devil" response a woman wrote him? Pretty much the best response ever.

Andrea said...

Yes,I agree with the label moron!

Love your blog, I'll be back to visit!

mama-face said...

I've been reading so many references to his asinine comments but never the real quote. That doesn't just sound offensive it sounds CRAZY. And not the give the guy a break crazy.

I suck at captions and whatnot; just leaving you a thought.

Tara R. said...

This reminds me of the Gandhi quote:

'I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.'

Pat Robertson seems to have forgotten 'love thy neighbor.' I also wonder how he would know this was a 'true story'- that is unless this blood sucking vampire was alive more than 200 years ago when this pact with the devil was made.

singedwingangel said...

His comments infuriated me as a Christian. First of all God does not wait 200 years to wreak havoc, HE is pretty much youhave been warned guy and then let's it loose. HOWEVER, that being said the fact that 80% of Haiti was CHRISTIAN makes this point mute. I just wanna choke him... seriously, can I call it laying hands on him and casting out the demon that apparently overrides his tongue before he speaks??

Sarah said...

the resemblance is uncanny!

Noelle said...

unbelievable. i like tara's ghandi quote.

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

SOmething that can always get under my skin is when so called Christian (leaders) make such unchristian comments and judgements.


Way behind on my blogging. I got your email and deleted it by accident. Send again?

Edna Lee said...

I've been sitting in front of my computer trying to devise something witty to say about all this, however I am at a loss. My heart is simply too heavy to find the funny this time.

Pat Robertson is a disgrace.

kys said...

I don't have a caption. Just disgust. He's such an asshat.

paulandewrussell said...

This is great. lol What a piece of work he is. Man of God. eh?

Check out:

for a response to Pat's outburst.

Susie said...

After what he said, he deserves your distain!

my2boyz said...

What kind of Christian is he??? That is AWESOME been giggling about it for a while now!

Shawn said...

Oh, so funny----voodoo, huh?

Allyson said...

Oh Pat, Pat, Pat...what to do with a problem like Pat? You stick a pin in his eye and sell his soul to Red Cross. He gives all of us Christians a bad name, but Karma is a bitch and someday he'll get what's coming to him. And maybe, just maybe, the devil will be involved. :D Thanks for sharing this. I'm sure I would have never known otherwise. I count on you all for this sort of off-the-front-page kind of reporting.

miss jo said...

Robertson is a major ignoramus and downright hateful...I wonder how he would like to be trapped under concrete and steel and no longer have a home ?

June Freaking Cleaver said...

I really think his issue with Haiti is the fact that folks will be donating money to the disaster, as opposed to filling up HIS pockets.

I die a little bit every time I see any mention of him on the TV. I feel the same way about the other money grubbing, not burdened by intellect televangelists.

Note that I didn't call them Christians...they ain't.

hax said...

Pat Robertson Voodoo Doll has been relisted on eBay. Ironically, eBay took it down because it could not be verified that Pat Robertson's soul actually exists. Here's the new eBay link. It's over $670 again!


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