I've been in a funk all week. Haiti weighs heavily upon my mind.
But just as Mark Twain found funny in poor Jim's misfortune & Jon Stewart finally found the ironic side of 9/11, I now have something to smile about.
Check out the Pat Robertson Voodoo Doll, up for grabs on eBay.
"After an exclusive deal with devil," says creator johnnyvoodoo on his bid site, "we are finally able to bring black magic into your very own home! The lucky winner of this auction will attain the soul of Televangelist PAT ROBERTSON in a handheld figurine comprised of the finest straw, cloth, and other organic natural materials!"
Robertson, natch, is the nut case who hails from my state. He's the "spiritual adviser" to my new governor. And he's also the one who has perennial Hoof-in-Mouth disease. He said the following on his allegedly "Christian" broadcast last week:
"They [the Haitians] were under the heel of the French. You know, Napoleon III, or whatever. And they got together and swore a pact to the devil. They said, we will serve you if you'll get us free from the French. True story. And so, the devil said, okay it's a deal."
In other words, the Haitians hated their rulers, back in the day. Voodoo somehow came out of that. So they-I'm not making this up, Robertson implied it-deserved what they got last Tuesday.
What a moron. And what an evil, effing, un-Christian-like piece of word vomit. I'm outraged. But johnnyvoodoo turned the tables on the stupid jerk. And 100% of the winning bid for johnny's Pat Robertson Voodoo Doll goes to the American Red Cross, which is helping with Haitian relief efforts.
This superb satirical jab comes with a wonderful poke (get it?) at what makes Robertson tick & why I'm so perturbed with him
"Ever wanted to cause Pat Robertson a massive headache? Give him back pain? Jab him in the crotch? Of course you have! Well then BID NOW to own your very own physical representation of the dark, dark soul of Pat Robertson."
Robertson, of course, is the one who also linked Hurricane Katrina & terrorist attacks to legalized abortion. So much for separation of Church & State. And brain from intelligence.
No joke. But this man certainly is. Maybe whoever buys the Pat Robertson Voodoo Doll will stick a pin in Robertson's heart. But I'm not sure it would hurt him, 'cause I'm not sure he's alive.
This rant is brought to you by The Scholastic Scribe's Silly Sunday Sweepstakes. There's still time to conjure a caption for this Superior Snap. And to bid on the Voodoo Doll. Bidding is open until Tuesday the 26th at 11 p.m. PST. Good luck!