Dear President Obama:
We Americans are suffering; that's a fact. But I have a solution to our economic woes. And it has nothing to do with the wars in Iraq & Afghanistan, nor health care reform. All it involves is a trip to the friendly neighborhood DMV.
I recently made a significant contribution to reducing the Federal Deficit & it all started with a $40 ticket.
OK, I'm coming clean here. Guilty as charged, Your Honor (BTW, is it OK to call the President "Your Honor"?). I committed a minor infraction on a neighborhood by-way & I totally understand my obligation as a U.S. citizen to pay the commensurate fine.
But don't tell me that I have to pony up $65 in court costs, on top of the $40 ticket, even if I just want to mail in a check. And then don't tell me that I didn't pay on time, charging me another 10 bucks in the process. And when those bean-counters down at the courthouse can't find my check, don't gavel my case closed by suspending my license & telling me I have to pay additional court costs, plus a hefty sum to the DMV to get my license reinstated.
Listen, I'm a hardworking public servant. I (generally) obey (most) of our (patently ridiculous) traffic laws. Especially the one that states I'm not allowed to cut through a neighborhood near the country club after 6:30 in the morning, because all those rich old ladies in their puce (pronounced "puese," a reddish-purplish-brownish color that looks as if grandma lost her cookies after eating blueberry pie) velour warmups need to get their beauty rest.
And besides, my dashboard clock said it was 6:28 a.m. when I took that shortcut. The (stupid, fat) officer (donut hole) wrote 6:38 a.m. on my ticket. I can't help it if he can't see his watch out of those corpulent slits he calls eyes.
But I digress. I ended up paying my debt to society. I plunked down the $40, plus the $65, plus the extra 10 bucks, plus another $40 to clear my good name. And then I had to wait 2 hours in line in 20-degree weather on a Saturday morning, plus another hour or so inside the welcoming (hellish) womb of my local DMV. And then, when my lucky number was called, I had the privilege of forking over another 85 bucks to get my (damn) license reinstated. In addition, I had the pleasure of posing for another one of those très fetch snaps that adorn our newly minted, (allegedly) terrorism-proof state driver's licenses.
So here's my idea. By my calculations, hundreds, if not thousands, if not tens of thousands, of good, hard-working Americans just like moi break traffic laws daily. Handle these cases in a similar fashion to the way I was treated & you'll have that trillion-dollar deficit under control in no time!
Yes, I snapped the shot above after my ordeal had come to a conclusion. And no, I can't account for the row of empty chairs at the back of the room. I can surmise, though. They're probably waiting for suckers like me to take a seat.
Here's hoping you & Michelle & the kids are doing well,