Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Economic Stimulus Package


Economic Stimulus Package


Dear President Obama:

We Americans are suffering; that's a fact. But I have a solution to our economic woes. And it has nothing to do with the wars in Iraq & Afghanistan, nor health care reform. All it involves is a trip to the friendly neighborhood DMV.

I recently made a significant contribution to reducing the Federal Deficit & it all started with a $40 ticket.

OK, I'm coming clean here. Guilty as charged, Your Honor (BTW, is it OK to call the President "Your Honor"?). I committed a minor infraction on a neighborhood by-way & I totally understand my obligation as a U.S. citizen to pay the commensurate fine.

But don't tell me that I have to pony up $65 in court costs, on top of the $40 ticket, even if I just want to mail in a check. And then don't tell me that I didn't pay on time, charging me another 10 bucks in the process. And when those bean-counters down at the courthouse can't find my check, don't gavel my case closed by suspending my license & telling me I have to pay additional court costs, plus a hefty sum to the DMV to get my license reinstated.

Listen, I'm a hardworking public servant. I (generally) obey (most) of our (patently ridiculous) traffic laws. Especially the one that states I'm not allowed to cut through a neighborhood near the country club after 6:30 in the morning, because all those rich old ladies in their puce (pronounced "puese," a reddish-purplish-brownish color that looks as if grandma lost her cookies after eating blueberry pie) velour warmups need to get their beauty rest.

And besides, my dashboard clock said it was 6:28 a.m. when I took that shortcut. The (stupid, fat) officer (donut hole) wrote 6:38 a.m. on my ticket. I can't help it if he can't see his watch out of those corpulent slits he calls eyes.

But I digress. I ended up paying my debt to society. I plunked down the $40, plus the $65, plus the extra 10 bucks, plus another $40 to clear my good name. And then I had to wait 2 hours in line in 20-degree weather on a Saturday morning, plus another hour or so inside the welcoming (hellish) womb of my local DMV. And then, when my lucky number was called, I had the privilege of forking over another 85 bucks to get my (damn) license reinstated. In addition, I had the pleasure of posing for another one of those très fetch snaps that adorn our newly minted, (allegedly) terrorism-proof state driver's licenses.

So here's my idea. By my calculations, hundreds, if not thousands, if not tens of thousands, of good, hard-working Americans just like moi break traffic laws daily. Handle these cases in a similar fashion to the way I was treated & you'll have that trillion-dollar deficit under control in no time!

Yes, I snapped the shot above after my ordeal had come to a conclusion. And no, I can't account for the row of empty chairs at the back of the room. I can surmise, though. They're probably waiting for suckers like me to take a seat.

Here's hoping you & Michelle & the kids are doing well,

Mrs. Scribe

27 comments:

Noelle said...

ugh...that is highway robbery! pun totally intended.

Alicia said...

dude....i had a speeding ticket once that ended up in over A THOUSAND DOLLARS....don't ask. still bitter.

Fierce said...

Oh wow, stories like this make me glad I take the bus. I don't even want to calculate how much got filched from you. But you have your license back, at least they didn't say the terrorists had bombed the license store-room and now you would have to begin the process all over again.
:)
xoxo

Hootin' Anni said...

Oh oh....
I'm gonna try and stay away for the traffic court then, for sure.

Mine's Here A sweet kitty...but sour puss under the Christmas tree with ruby colored, red bows...you need to scroll down on the post, just below my pencil sketch!

Magical Mystical Teacher said...

Folks at DMV
take my money gleefully—
now wallet’s empty!

Red bridge to somewhere!

Tara R. said...

I feel your pain. I've been through that particular level of purgatory called DMV.

knit1kids4 said...

I'm having my own issues with the DMV right now too... my forgetfulness is allowing them to take more money than they need from me.

Libby said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog!
I had the same ordeal with a licence renewal. Cost me WAY more than the required $28.

Shell said...

So frustrating!

Jayde said...

I have a friend who has had some major difficulty with the DMV here. It's crazy is all I can say.

Quasi Serendipita said...

I think I may have lost my patience somewhere in that process...

Caution Flag said...

DMV, IRS, local tax offices: blech!! It really is out of control the way they keep adding to the fine :(

Amy said...

Ugh. Awful. I totally didn't pay attention one night last fall and parked in front of someone's driveway. (Awful, I know. Hate it when it happens to me.) That little yuck-yuck cost over $200. Blech.

Peggy said...

OMGosh!

Not only am I laughing...but if that happened to me, I'm not sure how long it would take for me to the find the funny in this. I'd be the cartoon character with steam billowing from my nose and ears...

Great idea to reduce the deficit though! (except I don't want to tarnish my perfect warning record!)

Susie said...

I am sorry but the DMV is a public embarassment:-)

Ally said...

I love how the cops give out tons of tickets, yet if you complain about your partying neighbors they do nothing. Why? They bring in zero revenue from that.

My husband got a $175 speeding ticket and the letters we keep getting are threatening to take his license away. Of course we're paying it, but geez. You'd think he drove drunk and hit someone.

Tales Of A Fourth Grade Nothing

RainSplats said...

I love teasing my husband when he gets a ticket because he goes on and on for WEEKS about how it wasn't his fault. It just cracks me up! The huge conspiracy!! (he glares at me when I make him admit he did speed because "that's not the point"...)

Sorry you had to waste so much of your day at the DMV, though.

kys said...

What a waste of a Saturday. Are you going to mail this to the White House?

Melissa said...

Seriously? If we could just get the DMV to stop renewing liscenses to drivers who are over 80 and can't see, we would stop having so many accidents, insurance rates would drop and people would save money and not need to charge everthing to their credit cards.

I should have been president.

The gov.....they get you coming and going.....:)

The Blonde Duck said...

I would be soooooo mad.

Dr.John said...

Wow! Your DMV is as weird as ours.

Kimberly said...

That is so nutty! I hate it for you!

Faith Imagined said...

Ugh! Why can't everything be paid online!?!

Just Playin' said...

Ouch! You paid so much. I just hate it. Been there myself too! I got a ticket for turning left on a yellow arrow...I didn't even know that was against the law.

Just Playin' said...

Ouch! You paid so much. I just hate it. Been there myself too! I got a ticket for turning left on a yellow arrow...I didn't even know that was against the law.

thatgirlblogs said...

the worst ;(

miss jo said...

Now, that's a DMV experience that sounds like death by a thousand cuts. You were robbed !

LinkWithin

Blog Widget by LinkWithin