Thursday, December 3, 2009

No Sex for Santa This Season...



Santa in Jail

Writer's Workshop is brought to you each week by Mama Kat.
My assignment? Numero Tres: Open letter to Santa Claus.

Dear Santa:

I'm fed up with Christmas. It's over between us. I'm tired, frustrated, & just a wee bit ambiguous about the whole durn season.

You may recall that I'm a teacher. High School. English, to be precise. Oh, & Journalism, too. I'm adviser to both the newspaper & the yearbook at Our Humble High School.

Yesterday, one of my cherubs, a certified journalista, asked me a question. And as we all know, I'm a great proponent asking before doing. In fact, "Question" is my middle name.

"Mrs. Scribe?"

"Whatcha need, sweet pea?"

"Do I need to be PC?"

"I don't know, do you?"

"I mean in the newspaper."

"What's the topic?"

"We're writing a Top 10. About things to do over winter break."

At that point, I was sure that my journalistas were planting the seeds of insurrection again. I knew for a fact that they probably were going to start writing about sex. I played it cool, though. Didn't reveal the panic that was welling up inside of me like a liter of Coke after some chemistry students drop a couple of Mentos down its throat.

"O-kaaaaayyyyy..." I offered. Long & drawn out, just like that. Yup, sex, for sure, was on their agenda. I just knew it.

"Well, we wanted to say something funny about Santa."

That's it. Better censor them now before Principal Man gets to 'em. Or worse, calls me down to his office for another 2-hour pow-wow.

"O-kaaaaayyyyy...like what?" I presented a poker face. Didn't want to reveal my hand.

"Like, maybe, one of our Top 10 could be, like, Cut in line at the mall to sit on Santa's lap. Make a little kid cry. Like maybe something like that." Remember, my journalistas are teenagers~average age, 16. They think making little kids cry is downright lol.

I waited, quasi-patiently, for the punchline. My cherub needed some prompting, was all.

"And...?"

"Oh, that's it. Are we allowed to, like, mention Santa in the newspaper?"

"Well, sure. He's a secular holiday figure, after all."

"What's that? That's not like, something about sex, is it?"

Only if Santa ends up in jail, sweet pea. And no, I didn't say that to her. But I sure did want to.

Hope your season is filled with joy. No, not that kind. This is a family blog, after all...

Grandma won't get run over by a reindeer this season, will she?

Your friend, Mrs. Scribe

A Scribe Disclaimer: Photo courtesy of Stéfan's Flickr Photostream.

75 comments:

Kristin said...

I may or may not have bought a card for my MIL that played Grandma got run over by a reindeer in the background. Ah ha ha. The hubs picked it out!

Yaya said...

Lol!

Melissa said...

LOL! this was too funny

Vodka Logic said...

That is like really funny. Santa would like not want them to make kids cry... lol

quilly said...

That's not like sex or anything is it? LOL!

Fruitful Vine2 said...

LOL! What a converstion between you and the student!

Betty Manousos:cutand-dry.blogspot.com said...

Really funny!
love

singedwingangel said...

roflmbo.. ahh youth. Secular being about sex and yet they tend to act so "mature and worldly". too funny... found ya from my CMN post ty for your comments and I am now a follower...

Theta Mom said...

Too funny!!! What a conversation! ;)

knit1kids4 said...

To be young again... such funny things they think about

Tracy P. said...

Did you hand her a dictionary? Too funny!

Working Mommy said...

LOL!! I can neither confirm nor deny that I was ever a part of anything involving cutting in the Santa-lap-sitting-line...or making a child cry.

~Working Mommy
Come on by, stay for a while, leave a comment or two and follow along!!

Helen McGinn said...

*LOL* Ah, kids....can't live with 'em, can't kill 'em....

Scone recipe on it's way! ;O)

Amy said...

Ahahahahahahaha

Mommakin said...

So in a way - it was YOU who brought up sex...

Marshmallow Circus said...

lol, very funny post!

Andrea (ace1028) said...

Very cute story, and whew on the non-sex-related not PC comment in the story!

Noelle said...

that really cracked my funny bone, mainly because that's what i like to do over christmas break...cut in line and make kids cry and then bounce up and down on santa's lap!

(i am feeling evil today...please forgive me...)

Angelia (Texas) said...

Ha! Hilarious! Some how, some way sex was going to be mentioned.

Teenagers! Ahh! LOL.

Rachel Cotterill said...

Hmm, well, if that's the worst they can come up with, I think you're doing okay! :)

The Blonde Duck said...

I love it!

Jessica said...

Little kids crying over that is LOL to anyone who doesn't think about their sister being the little kid crying like that, or the neighbor boy. :)

June Freaking Cleaver said...

Secular=sexual...priceless.

Would it then follow that mastication has something to do with loving yourself?

blueviolet said...

You were the one with the dirty mind! lol

Sarah said...

somebody has sex on her mind, but it sure ain't the student!

Susie said...

Too funny!!

Confessions From A Working Mom said...

So, I am a journalist (TV News producer) and no joke, my boss sends out an email to the staff every year to remind us not to ruin the myth of Santa to our viewers... and makes us call the mall Santa "Santa's Helper" so as not to suggest he's the real deal... what is this world coming to?

~Elizabeth
http://confessionsfromaworkingmom.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

Great minds think alike........................................

Cara and Jenn said...

Gotta love those teenagers. (sorry about the "gotta")

Cara

carma said...

good stuff. Santa getting all "secular"

Jenn@ You know... that blog? said...

I love your students :)

"Grandma got run over by a reindeer" is a song I hum every time I even so much as think about my husband's father's wife. His third one. The one who has shared my last name for fewer years than I have owned it.

I love that song. Now, is there a great one about Sisters in Law? PC not required... at all.

miss jo said...

Phew. It will be a safe Santa Xmas @ the OHHS ! Way to keep freedom of speech and steer clear of PM.

mama-face said...

bahahaha. I've always wondered about that word...secular. It does sound kind of dirty.

kys said...

Teenagers are as funny as preschoolers.

San said...

Hilarious!!!

Encore Bride said...

That's funny, just when you prepare for the worst a very innocent comment comes out. Wonder who thinks more about sex...them or we? lol Happy SITS Day!!!

Kim said...

Too funny! Isn't it nice when those naughty minded teenagers surprise you every now and then!?!

Sara said...

Who knew "secular" could have a potentially naughty connotation?

Kids these days...

Nanny Goats In Panties said...

I suspect if Grandma did get run over by a reindeer (walking home from their house Christmas Eve) your students would find that LOL too!

:)

- Margaret

tattytiara said...

Kids these days and their secular activities, what is the world coming to.

Hear Mum Roar said...

Oh, the things kids have to worry about these days, huh? LOL

Elizabeth a.k.a. Type A Mommy said...

Too funny! Love that she didn't know what secular meant!!!

Christine said...

Downright LOL!

Mandi Miller said...

Ah... teens! Secular? Sex? Love it! Very funny! Happy SITS!

Michelle said...

LOL...you never know what teenagers will come up with.

Annie @ astonesthrowfrominsanity said...

Happy SITS! This made me chuckle. As a former high school English teacher myself, I can appreciate the teenager speak. :) Sex? Secular? I can see how they relate. Let's hope this sweet pea doesn't have secular as one of his SAT questions!

Miss Behavin said...

Ha Ha! You sure do have your hands full, eh?

Peggy said...

Very cute...my hats off to you and all my friends who teach inside a classroom...thought I wanted to do that one day when I was 27...I came to my senses...

(because I don't have what it takes to be in the classroom day in and day out...)

Great post Mrs. Scrive!

Peggy

SITS sent me over...glad they did!

Eva Gallant said...

Reminds me of my days in a high school classroom! Very funny!
Congrats on your SITS day!

Anti-Supermom said...

So stinkin' funny!

Happy Featured Blogger day~

Danielle said...

Happy Featured Blogger Day.
This story is super funny, and I love the inner monologues that you have (and have to edit for content!)

Sherri @ Luv a Bargain said...

That's great!

Karen & Gerard Zemek said...

That's what makes teaching teens so fun--the surprises they come up with!

Congrats on your SITS day!

Stephanie Stearns Dulli said...

I can see how they made the connection! LOL that's funny!
Stopping by from SITS

jonewman said...

Crazy Funny! I love the minds of kids. 6 or 16 they have such a funny way of looking at life. Happy SITS day!

Melissa@ Simply Mel said...

Too funny! Really enjoyed that. Can my mother in law be run over by a reindeer? Just kidding! @

Miranda said...

Happy SITS FB day. Your newspaper sounds a lot like the newspaper at MY Humble High School. (I'm a fellow English teacher!)

Jessie said...

too funny!

Holly said...

I can only imagine the things you hear with 16 year olds!

Alex Fitzpatrick aka Ma What's 4 Dinner said...

Can't imagine the stuff you must hear these days in high school..

Great blog, you had me at Santa and Sex. I'm so easy! :) Happy SITS!

Zeemaid said...

*LOL* secular... that's too funny.


Happy SITS day!

The Mom @ Babes in Hairland said...

Kids are so funny. I think they never say what you expect, even when you think you know what they're going to say. Have a fabulous day as SITS FB today!

Two Normal Moms said...

Oh wow, so funny.
Happy SITS day!
***Ally

Angry Julie Monday said...

Hilarious!

Fallon said...

LOL!

Cristina said...

So wait a minute....you were the one who had sex on the brain???

WOO HOO, hot for teacher!

Hope you had a wonderful SITS FB day in the spotlight :-)

xx

Cristina

Brandi said...

That's fantastically funny. High school kids are so much fun to work with. I was a tutor for years and I really miss working with students. They always made me forget my personal troubles and taught me how to laugh.

AmericanTribal said...

This is fantastic! I don't know how you do your job without laughing at these kids to their faces lol.

Marie said...

LOL!!!! :)

Marshmallow Circus said...

LOL, super funny!

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Emma said...

Cute story! Ah, teenagers. :-)Visiting you on you BON day.

Joann Mannix said...

And for the final time, Congratulations on being the Blogger of Note. You really deserve the title.

Seems like sometimes we give teenagers too much credit for being too worldly.

That was a priceless story.

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