Thursday, May 21, 2009

Would You Like Whiskey in That Sippy Cup?

OK. I really didn't think I'd be able to find an image such as the one above. Even on the Internet. Even though my story is 100%, certifiably true. The little gem above, BTW, is from a gentlemen named Curtis Rogers. Expresses my sentiments to a "T."

Suppose you could name this recent series of posts, "Public Education Gone Wild." First we had sex in school. Next, Arm Wrestling 101. Both of those incidents happened within 10 days of one another, which can be pretty stressful for a public school & its daily inhabitants. And now, I present, for your reading pleasure...

...the Drunk Librarian.

No joke. Madam Librarian had been employed at Our Humble High School for 10 years or so. She had a well-earned reputation as an efficient, helpful, knowledgable, competent high school bibliognost. Until, that is, about 3 years ago.

The good Madam began slurring her speech. She paid scant attention to her professional attire. She gained a precipitous amount of weight, and took to carrying one of those 7-11 Big Gulp plastic cups around. Those would be the containers that hold 32 refreshing ounces (1 liter) of one's favorite beverage.

Coke, 7-Up, Sprite, anyone? Perhaps a Dr. Pepper? No, rumor had it that Madam Librarian was hauling around her own personal go-cup of Jim Beam. No rocks.

Yup. The undiluted hard stuff. The crafty cataloger knew no shame.

People talked. Among themselves & to her. We thought, somehow, we could help. But no one turned Madam Librarian into authorities. She was too nice. Too helpful. Too good a cook-she baked the faculty muffins on Fridays and always pitched in at department pot-lucks.

When we saunter down OHHS' Library Hallway, we can see most of what's going on thru the plate glass windows. And all sad stories, of course, must come to an end. One day Mrs. Scribe saw Madam Librarian dutifully shelving books.

And the next day, she was gone.

Turns out a 9th-grade Social Studies teacher had taken her cherubs to the library to investigate sources for a paper. She'd asked Madam Librarian to speak to the class about research. About books, periodicals, online sites.

Madam Librarian started her presentation with a sip from her Big Gulp. Then another. Then a third. What transpired right after that is still open to interpretation & is the stuff that Urban Legends are made of.

Let's put it this way. Someone finally summoned the proper authorities. Principal Man arrived to drive Madam Librarian home.

We haven't seen her since.

9 comments:

Noah's Mommy said...

oh my god....I spit out my coffee reading this....hilarious stuff....in my mind it was like the scnes in Cold Case...when the subject is doing whatever they do...then just fades away.....great read....Happy SITS day

Lynda said...

Goodness! What next? The school nurse is a stripper?

Susie said...

Wow!! Your school should be on TV!!!

Tara R. said...

That is amazing. That and the arm wrestler would be prime time fodder for a new reality show.

Ronnica said...

Wow. You DO always have to watch out for the librarian, don't you?

LadyStyx said...

Oh heavens! Each one in this series gets more and more "amusing".

Columbia Lily said...

if alcohol consumption in the bathrooms works for the kids, why wouldn't it work for the faculty? =)

Marrdy said...

You know what...I feel bad for her. Nothing is worse than addiction. And hers was pretty bad. What an adventure your teaching career has become. Makes me wish I worled somewhere with a little more action!

dkzody said...

The same thing happened at our school, but it was the high level math teacher. We all knew he liked to drink in the off hours, but he started drinking at school. He too has not been seen since being escorted off campus this past winter.

We've also had two teachers have nervous breakdowns this year. One has come, gone, and come back. The other, a brand new, young gal, won't be back this year.

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