Friday, May 22, 2009

High-Stakes Testing & the Pee-Pee Dance

OK. You've read about the 3rd-grade teacher with the student named Lucifer. You've raised an eyebrow or 2 over the high school sexcapades. You've shaken your head in disbelief over Wrestling 101. You've heaved an enormous sigh when confronted with the tale of Madam Librarian & her Big Gulp Sippy Cup.

Now it is my distinct privilege & great pleasure to round out the week with a cautionary tale. It involves high-stakes testing & what my daughters call the Pee-Pee Dance.

Our Humble High School has been all caught up this week in that yearly thrown-down called the SOLs. Stands for Standards of Learning. High-stakes tests that make everyone pee their pants.

Literally. Or, almost.

Mrs. Scribe was doing her duty yesterday morning, proctoring a math test, of all things. There's not much to this janx. Arrive a school at the crack of dawn. Pick up testing materials from the SOL Czar before school starts. Administer said online test to 20+ sleepy 9th- & 10th-graders.

Lots of paranoia surrounding these examinations, if one could call them that. Students must pass 6 SOLs in order to graduate. Not to worry, though. The state has dumbed these suckers down since instituting the SOL graduation requirement in 2001. Even my daughter's half-dead Beta Fish, floating lazily in his cloudy glass bowl, could master the material needed to pass, at this point.

Sorry. Straying from what I'd meant to say, yet again.

So, there are lots & lots of rules that surround the actual taking of the test. No talking. No chewing gum. No use of any hand-held electronic devices. Backpacks parked at the front of the room. No food or drink. Mouths shut. Cellphones off & collected by the proctors.

Oh. And no Potty Breaks until the test is over. For either the kids or the adults.

Things went smoothly during this 2-hour exercise in tedium. But as the clock ticked away, Mrs. Scribe's bladder started to beat time. One thing we didn't check off our list.

Don't forget to make a pit stop. And don't do the Pee-Pee Dance in front of the cherubs. You might scar them for life.

This warning brought to you by Candid Carrie & her Friday Foto Finish Fiesta.


HappyChyck said...


Susie said...

Wow!! They really take security seriously during those things!!

Marrdy said...

Oh boy, I would pay good money to see you do the Pee Pee dance. I am on a plane right now...heading to DC. Borrow the librarians mug would you?

Veggie Mom said...

Blogger has been wiggy with everyone. It's the pits! I'm finally able to sign on and go blog visiting...a majorly frustrating day, but I didn't have to do the pee-pee dance once!

Columbia Lily said...

no bathroom breaks????????? INSANE!!!!!!

Shawn said...

My kids always come home doing the pee-pee dance---they never liked to use the toilet at school, so I know it well...

Mister Teacher said...

Yeah, that's really ridiculous. I mean, even during our bassackwards testing, we have monitors on the hall to provide a break to teachers or students should the need arise.


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