Monday, January 5, 2009

Dear Mr. Obama,

Let me be one of the 800 & 65 gazillion people to say, “Welcome to Washington!” I know this conventional greeting sounds a tad trite, but I certainly would feel remiss if I failed to greet our incoming President in the traditional Bipartisan and Clichéd fashion.

I understand that you only arrived last nite from Chicago, so may still be feeling a wee bit overwhelmed, jet-lagged & generally out-of-sorts, but I’ve got a few tips to offer you and your cute family as you embark on your careers as Temporary Washingtonians.

First off, you’re staying in first-class digs. The Hay Adams Hotel has no peer, other than, perhaps, Blair House & The White House. And you’re moving into Blair House in about a week, so as George Jefferson would say, “We’re movin’ on up!”

Please forgive that lame attempt at humor. You will soon find that We Washingtonians don’t really have the savoir faire & panache known to those who reside in places like Chicago, home to Second City Chicago (BTW, what an original name for an Improv Troupe!). Yes, we do have an Improv club in DC—known, coincidentally as DC Improv—which is located just behind where you’re staying, on Connecticut Avenue between L & M Streets. But you might find things more amusing up on Capitol Hill, where John McCain is still sharing a double-bill with Sarah Palin..I mean Nancy Pelosi...& all those Other Fun Congress-Persons. And, of course, looks like SNL Alum Al Franken might be coming to Washington as a Senator from Minnesota, of all things. He no doubt will be able to keep Our National Legislature in stitches!

Secondly, let me please offer a little advice to your lovely wife, Michelle. I’m not sure if the Mommy-in-Chief is going to do a lot of “traditional” First Lady things while she’s here, such as host teas & bake cookies (unless, of course, Secretary of State Clinton joins in), but if she’s in the shopping mood, there’s virtually none of that in Downtown DC! Yes, we have a token Macy’s (which used to be Hecht’s—I understand Macy’s has also taken over your Marshall Field’s Department Store, is that correct?), but it’s strictly low-rent. And Georgetown has a few cute boutiques, which Sasha & Malia most certainly will be down with. But you must journey out to my neck of the woods—the Humble DC Suburbs, as it were—to get any primo mall time in.

And, as for those darling daughters of yours, tell them not to sweat their move to Washington. I realize that the lives of Presidential Progeny are never normal, but I also know that DC & its vast open spaces can accommodate your kids’ every need. Capitol Hill alone (the neighborhood, not the Congressional address) has 59 cute-as-bugs parks maintained by the National Parks Service. I can envision your gals suiting up for soccer practice while their Daddy’s lobbying the local legislature, can’t you? And as for dance classes…well, the Washington School of Ballet is right down the street from your daughters’ new Educational Adventure. Perhaps the Obama Girls are interested in starring in next season’s production of The Nutcracker, à la Chelsea Clinton? She played The Favorite Aunt in the ballet’s 1996 staging of that wonderful Christmas season perennial.

Chelsea was only 12, BTW, when she moved into the White House. Sasha & Malia might want to speak with her & get the 411, while their Mom & her Mom are baking cookies! Chelsea also went to Sidwell Friends School—isn’t that just off the hook? Perhaps she can give the girls the down low on all things Sidwell?

And speaking of the Clintons, the Clinton Administration, & All That Janx, I sure do hope that your former Commerce Secretary pick, Bill Richardson, clears his name and all. I have to say that it looks a little fishy, you hiring all these former Clinton folks to be in your new administration. We elected you on the platform of Change, didn't we? To most of us long-time DC-area residents, Clinton doesn’t equal change; he just equals another politician who got his hand caught in the metaphorical cookie jar. Hey, that one deserves a Big more ways than one. Perhaps I should audition for The Improv?

I know, I know. DC politics seems so tame to you Chicagoans. But Just Wait. They’ll try to make you behave & play by their rules. Just don’t listen to them. You were able to ignore the illegal entreaties of Governor What’s-His-Name—the Illinois guy with all that hair? And the funny name?—I’m sure you’ll be able to disregard that nasty DC addiction of Me First, & return the Power to the People.

I’ve lived in the DC area—in both the City & then the Suburbs—since 1982. I’ve seen a lot in all those years, let me tell ya. Mr. President-elect, if you need any more advice at all, please give me a holler. I also have a spare bedroom or 2 if things get too suffocating downtown. I understand hundreds of people are already huddled up in front of your new crib, nite & day, just trying to get a little look-see!

Here’s Hoping for Smooth Sailing Toward Inauguration Day,
Mrs. Scribe


Deanna said...

Great post! Mr. Obama is going to need some level headed advice and I am afraid there is little to be found on the "Hill". Wouldn't it be nice if he took you up on your offer to stay at your home?

Veggie Mom said...

Ah, yes...the metaphorical cookie jar. You are a pretty funny gal! I hope Obama takes you up on your offer for free counsel and the guest bedroom!

betty said...

What a great letter. Your sense of humor always brightens my day.:) It would be cool if Obama showed up at your home for a visit.

Eudea-Mamia said...

I got a post running around in my head for Mrs. President Elect. Though I imagine Secretary of State Clinton (did I just type that?!) will have some helpful hints.


I too am wondering how all those people who voted for "change" feel about it now? I have high hopes for Obama - I hope he can at least meet me half way.

Z's Mom said...

Yes, Welcome Mr. Obama.....I hope someone disinfects the White House of all Evil before he enters.

Sorry, I'm not bipartisan!!! ;)

I thought Michelle told Jon Stewart or someone that she likes to shop online! Maybe that was because during the election though she didn't have time to shop...who knows!

Lynda said...

Well, what a fine welcoming committee!

Amanda said...

LOL! Funny post! I hope Obama does give you a surprise visit :)

HappyChyck said...

The Obamas should feel very welcome with that letter!

Susie said...

What a nice welcome:-) Great rundown on the haps in Washington:-)

Koe Whitton-Williams said...

Excellent posting. I hope you'll get downtown on the 20th. I'll be on the train from NYC. I probably won't ever get out of Union Station. . . but at least I'll be able to say. . . I saw someone who saw someone who saw the inauguration.

MissKris said...

Ya never know, in regards to Obama maybe commenting here, ha! I seem to be carrying on an email thingy with the author wild is that?!

flickrlovr said...

You're too much ;)
Did you send it to him? You should. Haha.


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