Wednesday, December 3, 2008

What's the Word Wednesday: Oxymoronic Challenge

The Lovely Oxymoron: One of Your Humble Scribe's favorite Figures o' Speech, in which unlikely, incongruous or contradictory terms appear side-by-side. Mrs. Scribe's favorite adjective that goes along with this? Why, Oxymoronic, but of course!

In honor of What's the Word Wednesday, when The Intrepid Scribe attempts to make sense of the nonsensical, wade thru the murky, and, generally, Play With Her Words, We Hereby Issue an Oxymoronic Challenge. Please see if you can write a story, on the fly, using All 10 (count 'em!) of These Here Oxymorons. We tried it, and you can Take a Gander at the pitiful result, below. OK, well, no...we dont' really have an excuse!

We'd be Mighty Pleased and Proud if you Posted your Passage Right Here. Or not. We'd be satisfied with a Plain Ol' Comment, if you'd prefer. And, as a Special Bonus Feature, if you'd like to issue your Very Own Oxymoronic Challege, we say, "Go. For. It!" You don't have to use these Oxymorons...there are dozens more where these came from! Just, please, Share Some Linky Love in return!

It's not an open secret that the Hell's Angels try really, really hard to act naturally when one of their own is found missing. In fact, that's exactly what happened one day when Detective J. Alfred McGillicuddy came calling. The Hogs were so quiet, you could hear a 40 drop. We're talkin' deafening silence here.

"This looks like a pretty ugly situation," McGillicuddy opined, to no one in particular. He didn't feel comfortable addressing anyone in the Biker Bar, since they pretty much all looked alike. Like, seriously funny, dude. The truth of the matter was that the Good Detective was clearly confused.

"It's my unbiased opinion that Mike the Bike was kidnapped, man," offered one Large, Leathery Character.

When last we saw Detective McGillicuddy, he was typing his report in
Microsoft Works.


Veggie Mom said...

This looks like it'll take a little cogitating, as you like to say. Meanwhile, I've "Re-Gifted" your Chocolate Bling. Thanks!

Lynda said...

The email arrived this morning. Her version of Microsoft Works needed an update. It seems Word was found missing. This, of course, resulted in a 20 minute wait.

It was her unbiased opinion that Microsoft had her number, knew when she was trying to be sneaky, and thought it was seriously funny to watch her squirm.

It was an open secret that this day would eventually arrive. While she was as frightened of reading the contents as if she had to face a pack of Hell’s Angels in a dark alley, she knew she had to act naturally.

Surrounded by a roomful of coworkers, it was important not to draw attention to herself. At the exact moment the update completed installation and she was able to view the attachment, there was a deafening silence throughout the room. Right then, bing! That computer noise that lets you know the download is complete rang from her speakers.

Feeling all eyes on her, she blushed twice and was clearly confused why all conversations had ceased. She knew her red cheeks were blotchy and pretty ugly. Great! Reading unauthorized correspondence, downloading updates, and being the center of attention was not on her top ten list for today.

The silence in the room was just one of those things… one of those moments when the planets align and everything is in synchronicity.

Fearing the message in this email would change the destiny of her life, imagine her embarrassment when clicking on the attachment, the audio announcement, “Hey, Everybody, I’m looking at porn!” rang throughout the office. Uh, oh… she clicked on the wrong email!

Tara said...

True story: My older brother, who looks like one of the Hell's Angels with all his Harley Davidson tattoos, was clearly confused when his records and cassette tapes were found missing from his room. It was a pretty open secret that I liked rummaging through his things -- it was seriously funny the time I found some Playboys stashed under his bed and told my Mom. The argument they had was pretty ugly. Anyway, I was much younger when this incident happened, and I got the brilliant idea to make a sculpture/mobile of sorts, wrapping the tape from the cassettes through the holes of the records. In my unbiased opinion, it was cool as hell, but the deafening silence from my brother and Mom told me I was in deep doo doo. I tried to act naturally as my brother held up the incriminating evidence, but everyone knew who did it. It is one of those memories I chronicled on Microsoft Works in the memoir I will probably never finish.

I get bonus points for using "cool as hell" right?

Susie said...

Very nice!! If my head weren't full of antibiotics, I would take a shot at it.

Eudea-Mamia said...

Running for bath and bedtime, so I can't play right now. I'll try to make it back tonight!!

FYI - #25 Santa came from Garden Ridge Pottery about 3 years ago. #48 Jimmie Johnson (not in the picture) came from Lowe's last year.

Lord help me if either gets a hole!


Hippie Family... said...

I am so out of it today that I swear I counted the people THREE times trying to get TEN...

flickrlovr said...

So it'd take me about an hour to figure this all out, my brain is mush today, but that was hilarious. Especially the 'Microsoft Works' one...bwahahaha.

I'll vote for you-thanks for the comment, and come back soon!

Edna Lee said...

I got a new student today. His father Biff, a member of the biker gang Hell's Angels, drove him to school on his motorcycle. It is an open secret that I was once a member of that same gang, therefore I knew his father quite well. Trying to act naturally, he avoided making eye contact with me though because we have a storied history. Our past encounters have been pretty ugly. You see, I know a secret about him.

Biff is a pastry chef and dreams of designing the perfect cream puff. It is his unbiased opinion that cream puffs, in their current inception, spoil far too easily so he made it his life's goal to create a better puff. If the other Hell's Angels knew of his hobby, they would find it seriously funny. He was clearly confused by their small-mindedness.

He worked for years in secret, and finally he developed the perfect recipe. He typed it up in Microsoft Works and saved several original copies on his hard drive.

When he awoke the next morning, the recipe was found missing!The deafening silence of his shock brought his world to a rolling stop. "Good Grief!" he silently screamed in his head. "What butt head could have done this to me?"

Well, you may have guessed by now, it was I that stole his recipe. I used my background in military intelligence to steal away with his recipe. In typical me fashion though, I promptly misplaced it. I tried to recreate it with exact estimates of the ingredients, but to no avail.I made something almost exactly like his cream puffs, a genuine imitation you might say, but truly not the same.

So I became a teacher instead, and that brings my story full circle. It was my only choice. What other profession would accept a former Hell's Angel-pastry recipe stealing liar like me?


Blog Widget by LinkWithin