Toodling along on what's known as The Beltway in our neck o' the woods, no traffic, quasi-sunny for a Tuesday in Close-to-Mid-December. Absolutely nuthin' goin' on. That's the way-uh-huh, uh-huh-We Like It.
Mrs. Scribe listens to the all-news-all-the-time station in the car. It's The Scribe in her, after all. Afraid she's just going to Miss Something, we suppose.
Not yesterday. No Sleepy Tuesday, this!
And now, from the bowels of the Glass-Enclosed News Center, we bring you this emergency traffic update...
Stay away from I-270 South! Get off the Beltway! We have a situation here! Police are in pursuit of a Renegade Semi!
Excuse me, Mr. Traffic Reporter. Did you say a "Renegade Semi"? As in an 18-Wheeler? Do you mean police are chasing a Really Big Truck?
Looks like he's headed toward...nope, he's swerving! He's headed west! He's entering the Outer Loop, even as we speak! If you are in the vicinity of the Outer Loop and I-270, police are in pursuit! They're chasing a Semi, I Repeat, in Hot Pursuit! He's riding on his rims!
Wait. A Semi? Do you mean a Really Big Truck? And 18-Wheeler? And He's Riding on His Rims?
That's what I said! Police are trying to clear a path for this Runaway Truck! Get. Off. The. Freakin'. Road!
Just as Mr. Radio Traffic Reporter delivered that last warning, 3 State Troopers flipped a You-EE (Scribe Slang for U-Turn), Lights Blazing, Sirens Screaming, All the Appropriate Clichés for what Mrs. Scribe saw...Before her Very Eyes!
Visions of OJ and that Slo-Mo White Bronco Police Chase danced in Mrs. Scribe's head.
Ignoring the Pure Physics of the Situation (Police Chase, Really Big Truck, Riding on His Rims, etc.), Mrs. Scribe arrived at her exit, no problem. No signs of a Hot Pursuit. No Really Big Truck. Very little traffic, we might add.
About 10 minutes later, she was home. Flipped on the TV. Helicopters, Reporters, Police. In Great Multitudes. And a Really Big Truck, proceeding in OJ Slo-Mo, one exit down from where She. Usually. Gets. Off.
And, yes, he was Riding on His Rims.
Turns out a guy stole the 18-Wheeler in New Jersey. He's wanted on an Attempted Murder Rap in Baltimore. The police threw something out in the road to slash his tires (hence, those Pesky Rims). He kept going for a while, and ended up sort of gliding to an Incredibly Ungraceful Stop (well, consider the rims, after all!) near a local shopping center. Police swarmed him, got him down on the ground. End of Story.
Except that the local TV folks, Complete with Sky Hawk #1 News Copter Coverage with Infrared WhatsisMaDoodles and all That Neat Stuff, kept looping the same footage, Over & Over Again. And the reporters, never that swift at doing live coverage, kept repeating the same thing in the same cadence. Over & Over Again. After Mrs. Scribe had seen the same Freakin' Images about 10 times in a row, she Left the Building.
TV always seems to get in the way of a Good Story.