Wednesday, December 10, 2008

What's the Word Wednesday: Hyperbole

Mrs. Scribe left work relatively early yesterday. She's got what we in the 'Burbs call "A Reverse Commute." At 6:30 a.m., all the traffic is on the other side of the highway, headed toward the hub of commercial activity in our area; same is true at about 3:30 p.m., when Your Intrepid Scribe heads home.

Toodling along on what's known as The Beltway in our neck o' the woods, no traffic, quasi-sunny for a Tuesday in Close-to-Mid-December. Absolutely nuthin' goin' on. That's the way-uh-huh, uh-huh-We Like It.

Mrs. Scribe listens to the all-news-all-the-time station in the car. It's The Scribe in her, after all. Afraid she's just going to Miss Something, we suppose.

Not yesterday. No Sleepy Tuesday, this!

And now, from the bowels of the Glass-Enclosed News Center, we bring you this emergency traffic update...

Stay away from I-270 South! Get off the Beltway! We have a situation here! Police are in pursuit of a Renegade Semi!

Excuse me, Mr. Traffic Reporter. Did you say a "Renegade Semi"? As in an 18-Wheeler? Do you mean police are chasing a Really Big Truck?

Looks like he's headed toward...nope, he's swerving! He's headed west! He's entering the Outer Loop, even as we speak! If you are in the vicinity of the Outer Loop and I-270, police are in pursuit! They're chasing a Semi, I Repeat, in Hot Pursuit! He's riding on his rims!

Wait. A Semi? Do you mean a Really Big Truck? And 18-Wheeler? And He's Riding on His Rims?

That's what I said! Police are trying to clear a path for this Runaway Truck! Get. Off. The. Freakin'. Road!

Just as Mr. Radio Traffic Reporter delivered that last warning, 3 State Troopers flipped a You-EE (Scribe Slang for U-Turn), Lights Blazing, Sirens Screaming, All the Appropriate Clich├ęs for what Mrs. Scribe saw...Before her Very Eyes!

Visions of OJ and that Slo-Mo White Bronco Police Chase danced in Mrs. Scribe's head.

Ignoring the Pure Physics of the Situation (Police Chase, Really Big Truck, Riding on His Rims, etc.), Mrs. Scribe arrived at her exit, no problem. No signs of a Hot Pursuit. No Really Big Truck. Very little traffic, we might add.

About 10 minutes later, she was home. Flipped on the TV. Helicopters, Reporters, Police. In Great Multitudes. And a Really Big Truck, proceeding in OJ Slo-Mo, one exit down from where She. Usually. Gets. Off.

And, yes, he was Riding on His Rims.

Turns out a guy stole the 18-Wheeler in New Jersey. He's wanted on an Attempted Murder Rap in Baltimore. The police threw something out in the road to slash his tires (hence, those Pesky Rims). He kept going for a while, and ended up sort of gliding to an Incredibly Ungraceful Stop (well, consider the rims, after all!) near a local shopping center. Police swarmed him, got him down on the ground. End of Story.

Except that the local TV folks, Complete with Sky Hawk #1 News Copter Coverage with Infrared WhatsisMaDoodles and all That Neat Stuff, kept looping the same footage, Over & Over Again. And the reporters, never that swift at doing live coverage, kept repeating the same thing in the same cadence. Over & Over Again. After Mrs. Scribe had seen the same Freakin' Images about 10 times in a row, she Left the Building.

TV always seems to get in the way of a Good Story.


Tiffany said...

Exciting commute home!

Desi said...


thanks for visiting my blog yesterday!

Eudea-Mamia said...

I'd like to say I've never heard of such a thing, but for some reason, all the wack job criminals in the Dallas area LOVE to run from the cops.

I always wonder if they really think they're going to get away.

Note to future criminals: probably not.

Glad it didn't cause a traffic snarl for you!!

Lynda said...

Oh yeah, they do overdo, don't they? I love that sentence :-)

Veggie Mom said...

Whoo-Boy! TV has cornered the market on hyperbole, I'd say!

Sean Hogan said...

Maybe this would explain a certain former yearbookie's Facebook status: _______ is beyond in love with all things traffic..arguably thats sad...or insanely cool. live high speed chase=dream come true.

Tara R. said...

Ah yes, the tape loop. I get the same thing when I flip the pages of the newspaper really fast, over and over.

You got some mad story telling skillz Scribe!

Tara said...

Why do I always seem to comment after Tara R? I don't stalk people with my same first name, I promise... (but that is what an internet stalker would say, crap) husband just had to give me the definition of hyperbole because although I am witty, I went to public school, after all. No offense. lol In defense of public school, I mostly showed up high -- so, we are all to blame a bit aren't we...

Oh, and people who run from cops are pretty dumb. Getting caught is an inevitability. Looking like a royal ass while doing it is optional. Being caught on the news while the whole thing goes down: priceless.

Marrdy said...

Holy cow, what a commute.

Susie said...

Wow!! That is way to exciting for the ride home. I need my easy listening channel to help me with my road rage. I would have been a mess:-)

Blog Stalker said...

And the fact that every news team will run the same footage over and over. Never fails, chase = ratings. HARDLY 'WATCH' LOCAL NEWS ANYMORE.

Have a great day, glad you maded it home safe!

Smitten by Britain said...

Oh my, I didn't even have to get to the part where you mention I-270 to know you were from my area. I have a commute too, from north Hagerstown to Frederick but I'm the sorry sap who is going the same direction as the rush hour flow. I've seen some pretty bad accidents but not a police chase on this scale thank god.

Stopping by from SITS to say Happy Saturday Sharefest!

tattytiara said...

Cool. I wanna see that in a movie now.

Annie @ astonesthrowfrominsanity said...

It is pretty bad when we have to translate the TV news to get the real story. Thanks for the laugh! Happy SITS!

Jessica Nunemaker said...

Wow. Sounds like a thrilling evening!

...and after a day of teaching kids, no less! ;)

Happy SITs.

Date Girl said...

You really lucked out missing that one! Whew!

Karen said...

What an interesting drive home, nothing like driving on the road surrounded by morons.


Hanneke Nelson said...

NOthing exciting ever happened to me on my commute home... Happy SITS Day, Melissa! You deserve it.

And thanks for stopping by again.


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