Friday, December 5, 2008

Fx4: Would You Like Salsa on that Transcript?

True story. Fact, you know, is often much, much stranger-and entertaining-than fiction.

Time: Approximately 11:30 a.m., on a Hectic Deadline Day.
Place: The "Journalism Suite," Our Humble High School, Any Suburb, USA
Characters: Mrs. Scribe & Several Spazzy Journalistas

Set Directions: The High School Newspaper & Yearbook offices/classroom, loosely characterized as a "The Journalism Suite" because the 2 rooms are connected. Cheap, moldy carpeting covers previously condemned & partially removed asbestos insulation. 6 work tables, of various ages and design, arranged in no discernible pattern throughout a room also jammed with computers, extra chairs for some reason, filing cabinets, & the Teacher's Desk, which is also a table. TD covered from stem to stern in paper, books, folders, flotsam, jetsam. Teacher's laptop peeks out slightly from this detrius.

Actors' Places, Cues: Telephone rings near Teacher's Desk. Teacher (Mrs. Scribe) reaches over and grabs the plastic receiver, causing several piles on her littered "desk" to cascade to the floor.

Journalism "Cherubs" strategically placed around the room. 2 on computers, apparently doing "real" work. 2 discussing college applications in high-pitched, shrieky cadences. 3 standing in mid-room, furtively gossiping about a "change of command" in a relationship.

Mrs. Scribe (fighting to be Heard above the Hubbub, she answers the phone with something Less Than Decorum): This is Mrs. Scribe!

Cherub #1 to Cherub #2: So then he said I need a safety school, & then I said what for & then he said 'cause you're not going out this weekend til you pick one & then I said OK, Make Me, & then he said...

Voice on other end of telephone line, to Mrs. Scribe (with some sense of urgency): Mrs. Scribe? This is Mr. Counselor. Will you please send So-and-So down to my office right away?

Cherub #3 to Cherubs #4 & #5 (sotto voce): So then she said that to him & then he said that other thing to her & it's really getting annoying listening to them talk without really saying anything...

Mrs. Scribe (acknowledging Mr. Counselor's request): Right-O! I'll send her right down! Turns in general direction of hubbub: So-and-So! Mr. Counselor needs you!! Now!!!

So-and-So pops in from the other office, all Fresh-Faced & Perky, with a look of Sculpted Innocence on her Cherubic Countenance.

So-and-So: On my way! Do I need a pass? Could you sign something? Please?

Mrs. Scribe dashes off a quick note. So-and-So skedaddles down a hallway packed with Lunchtime Revelers. Time passes. Maybe 15 minutes, but who can tell, with This & That happening At. The. Same. Time. Madness! So-and-So returns, leaning into classroom from the hallway, as if trying to determine if "The Coast is Clear."

Mrs. Scribe: What's that smell? Tacos? Enchiladas? Whewwww! It suddently reeks like Taco Cabana in here!

So-and-So bows out of room. Makes an end-run down the hall to the other door of the "Journalism Suite."

So-and-So (gyrating slightly, with hips in search of a Hula Hoop. Starts to sing off-key): Burritos, bur...EEE..toes...I got me some BURR...EEE...TOES!

The Room Erupts. Pandemonium Reigns Supreme. No learning will get done today! Apparently, Mr. Counselor has been making Burrito Runs for his Sophomores.

Would you like Salsa on that Transcript?

29 comments:

Tara said...

Hilarious... now I want burritos for breakfast.

jen721 said...

Thanks for helping me start my day with a little laughter. Very funny!

Sean Hogan said...

that is AWESOME!

~~tonya~~ said...

Too funny!! TFS

Susie said...

Toooooooo funny!!!

Teri said...

Can I make an order for next Friday?

Veggie Mom said...

And why didn't he pick up Chipotle for Mrs. Scribe, too?

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

Hey, came over from the BPOTW site. I'm a 10th grade English teacher in Hawaii and looks like we have some things in common. I'll bookmark you and be back.

PS Why do counselors always get to be the nice guys?

Marrdy said...

You get all the kudos in the world for teaching teenagers!

Anonymous said...

Hey I like your articles It is interesting.You should write in http://www.allvoices.com/journalism and this will give your article more coverage

Rachel Cotterill said...

I love that he rang you to send them down! Just occasionally one of our teachers would take us for lunch, but we never ordered for delivery!

cat said...

That's teenagers for you.

Quasi Serendipita said...

Priceless!

Elizabeth a.k.a. Type A Mommy said...

Too funny, thank you I needed that laugh this morning! :)

Mandi Miller said...

Happy SITS!
Now I am hungry for some Breakfast Burritos!!

Lynn said...

Ah the high school years. Convincing teachers to get you things off campus on a daily basis. Our music teacher was always good for a slice of pizza.

My best, Lynn
Happy SITS day!

Jessica Nunemaker said...

Ha ha ha!

Of course, like everyone else, I want some Breakfast Burritos now, too!

Sherri @ Luv a Bargain said...

Oh...Breakfast Burritos are just the best ever. Hilarious:)

Karen, author of "My Funny Dad, Harry" said...

That is so cool!

Congrats on your SITS day!

Karen said...

very funny post.

I work in a high school too. I'm an reading specialist for the high schools.

Karen

Young Wife said...

Hee, hee. Congratulations on your SITS Day!

Lady lex said...

Hilarious! Very funny post.

Holly said...

The most popular Counselor at the school I assume.

Kim said...

...interesting cast of characters...
@cheapchichome.blogspot.com

Alex Fitzpatrick aka Ma What's 4 Dinner said...

So funny, and now I'm starving! Happy SITS.

The Mom @ Babes in Hairland said...

Wish I'd had staff like that at my high school back in the day! So funny. Happy SITS day to you.

Fallon said...

Weird. Though I suddenly have a craving for burritos...

Jenn Erickson said...

Wonderful story! Again, your kids are so lucky to have you! Sounds like a great school.

Marie said...

Too funny! :)

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