Saturday, October 11, 2008

It's All Analgous, Ain't It? Ask Nancy Kerrigan!

This has been floating around The Web for some time. A Long Time. See #7 for proof of that!

Since we do teach High School English, and all, this list is also Par for the Course. These are The Best, because they are also The Worst. A troubling paradox of those Terrible Teen Years. Are they Legit? Hard to say. Probably not written by teenagers, we'd say. Some of them seem almost too contrived. Which are your faves?

PS: Don't forget our Silly Sunday Sweepstakes tomorrow!
  1. He was as tall as a 6′3″ tree.
  2. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and "Real World" comes on at 10:00 p.m. instead of 10:30.
  3. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
  4. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
  5. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
  6. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.
  7. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan’s teeth.
  8. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
  9. Fishing is like waiting for something that does not happen very often.
  10. They were as good friends as the people on “Friends.”


Lynda said...

2,4,5,and 6 are great. But the hummingbirds made me laugh out loud. Love this post.

jewelstreet said...

I personally like #5 the most. Heard something similar to that enough times. lol.

petra michelle; Whose role is it anyway? said...

Oh I loved them all! Too too funny! Or sad. Am not a teacher, so not as critical, although being a writer, I am probably harder on myself than on anyone else. :))
Wanted to thank you for commenting and voting on Sharing Popcorn...
The voters' favorite Paul Newman films are The Color of Money, Somebody Up There Likes Me, and Cool Hand Luke. James Earl Jones won as God. Hope you enjoy
"Columbus Meets Captain Jack Sparrow" and are having a wonderful weekend! :))

Hippie Family... said...

what vision!! I love it!

Tara R. said...

Since I actually enjoyed math when I was in high school, this one has been a favorite of mine:

"Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed
lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other
like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at
6:36 p.m. Traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka
at 4:19 p.m. At a speed of 35 mph."

Veggie Mom said...

Oh, gosh. I like the hummingbirds, who also had never met. And Nancy Kerrigan's teeth. I'm old enough to remember that particular Crest Girl!

Clix said...

My favorite was always

"The man who jumped from the fourteenth floor of the building hit the ground like a Hefty garbage bag filled with vegetable soup."

Star said...

"She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef."

All of them were funny, but this one made me laugh out loud! Thanks for sharing! I love stuff like this.

Ronnica said...

I've seen these before, but they still made me laugh. I totally get #2 though. The E. Coli one sounds like it could be a put down!

Candy said...

I agree, those hummingbirds! I almost wet myself.

Tracy P. said...

These are hilarious! Poor Phil...

free act sat test preparation said...

Very funny! Thanks for the post.


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