Trouble is, no one takes the time to read these fancy presentations; there are too many words, & not enough time. Hence, a recent canned food drive netted a single can of soup last week; 5 students showed up for the National Honor Society meeting, & the entire Field Hockey Team missed the memo about practice being moved from 3 p.m. to 5.
We teach, these days, in an Informational Void. Everyone around this joint is feeling a tad in the dark. But Principal Man continues to use the PA system, filling the airwaves with the silliest of crapola.
"Teachers, please excuse this interruption. The Network is down." Well, duh, now...is that why the computer won't work?
"Teachers, please excuse this interruption. Will the following students please come to the cafeteria at the end of class for makeup testing." In the old days, students were summoned the old-fashioned--and silent--way: by a mass e-mail sent to their teachers, who would then excuse them from class. But if the network's down...
"Teachers, please excuse this interruption. The air conditioning is not working in the English Wing of the building." Oh, is that why my blouse is pitted-out down to my navel?
Things have gotten so ridiculous, PM has taken to scolding the student body over the PA system. When a stink bomb was set off the other day (a fairly routine occurence), he lectured about expelling the perpetrator. When someone pulled the fire alarm, he rambled on for a good 5 minutes (of instructional time, we might add) about consequences. When seniors & juniors started dousing each other with water during a pep rally, he burst on the PA the next day to caution about deportment & responsibility, telling the Cherubs he was disappointed, and uttering something along these lines: "In my 24 years as a professional educator, I have never, ever seen such rudeness, such willingness to thwart authority, such dangerous behavior."
Say what? Has he been living & teaching at Disney World? We're talking about a few soggy students; no one got hurt, unless you count a couple of Abercrombie Outfits that might have had to be dry-cleaned.
These Inappropriate Interruptions have become so frequent that one of our colleagues penned this sardonic e-mail the other day. We share it, delightedly, herewith:
"Teachers, please pardon this interruption. We are having some problems this morning with our toaster oven in the administrator’s lounge. We are asking that all teachers at this time log off their computers and talk to your students about routine toaster maintenance and safe bagel buttering techniques. I would also like to take this time to briefly address the student body about responsible breakfast habits. In my 24 years of education, I have never been more embarrassed by the lack of Pop Tart variety in our vending machines. Therefore, teachers, we will have an emergency faculty meeting on Monday morning at 5:25 am to discuss Pop Tart variety and general breakfasting. Thank you, teachers; that is all for this interruption--another emergency PA announcement will be delivered in exactly 16 minutes."
We've kvetched before about the PA announcements. But we long for the return of 5 minutes of clubs, activities & sports practice updates. And fewer of Principal Man's Pronouncements. We think the man just likes to hear himself speak.