Monday, October 20, 2008

Blah...Blah...Blah

Principal Man cancelled the morning & afternoon PA announcements at the beginning of the school year, claiming that they intruded upon instructional time. Now, our announcements are typed up and prettified into PowerPoint Presentations, which run in a loop, displayed 24/7 on flat-screen TVs located strategically thruout Our Humble High School.

Trouble is, no one takes the time to read these fancy presentations; there are too many words, & not enough time. Hence, a recent canned food drive netted a single can of soup last week; 5 students showed up for the National Honor Society meeting, & the entire Field Hockey Team missed the memo about practice being moved from 3 p.m. to 5.

We teach, these days, in an Informational Void. Everyone around this joint is feeling a tad in the dark. But Principal Man continues to use the PA system, filling the airwaves with the silliest of crapola.

"Teachers, please excuse this interruption. The Network is down." Well, duh, now...is that why the computer won't work?

"Teachers, please excuse this interruption. Will the following students please come to the cafeteria at the end of class for makeup testing." In the old days, students were summoned the old-fashioned--and silent--way: by a mass e-mail sent to their teachers, who would then excuse them from class. But if the network's down...

"Teachers, please excuse this interruption. The air conditioning is not working in the English Wing of the building." Oh, is that why my blouse is pitted-out down to my navel?

Things have gotten so ridiculous, PM has taken to scolding the student body over the PA system. When a stink bomb was set off the other day (a fairly routine occurence), he lectured about expelling the perpetrator. When someone pulled the fire alarm, he rambled on for a good 5 minutes (of instructional time, we might add) about consequences. When seniors & juniors started dousing each other with water during a pep rally, he burst on the PA the next day to caution about deportment & responsibility, telling the Cherubs he was disappointed, and uttering something along these lines: "In my 24 years as a professional educator, I have never, ever seen such rudeness, such willingness to thwart authority, such dangerous behavior."

Say what? Has he been living & teaching at Disney World? We're talking about a few soggy students; no one got hurt, unless you count a couple of Abercrombie Outfits that might have had to be dry-cleaned.

These Inappropriate Interruptions have become so frequent that one of our colleagues penned this sardonic e-mail the other day. We share it, delightedly, herewith:

"Teachers, please pardon this interruption. We are having some problems this morning with our toaster oven in the administrator’s lounge. We are asking that all teachers at this time log off their computers and talk to your students about routine toaster maintenance and safe bagel buttering techniques. I would also like to take this time to briefly address the student body about responsible breakfast habits. In my 24 years of education, I have never been more embarrassed by the lack of Pop Tart variety in our vending machines. Therefore, teachers, we will have an emergency faculty meeting on Monday morning at 5:25 am to discuss Pop Tart variety and general breakfasting. Thank you, teachers; that is all for this interruption--another emergency PA announcement will be delivered in exactly 16 minutes."

We've kvetched before about the PA announcements. But we long for the return of 5 minutes of clubs, activities & sports practice updates. And fewer of Principal Man's Pronouncements. We think the man just likes to hear himself speak.

10 comments:

jewelstreet said...

What a great post! Too funny.

The first thing I said to myself is he stopped the announcements because he wanted more air time for himself.

Bilbo said...

Back when dinosaurs roamed the earth and I was in high school, the PA announcements were the highlight of the day. We even had tryouts for the student announcers (there were three, who rotated during the week). I can't believe anyone would substitute power-point-on-flat-screen-monitors for the good old verbal announcements. Sigh. I feel old and crotchety.

Lynda said...

You do crack me up! Thanks for the award - I have passed it on!

HappyChyck said...

That reminds of how the secretaries will sometimes get on during Early Bird class to tell teachers to not log onto the server. The truth of the matter is that the computer gurus have it locked so that we can't access the server until 7:30 am anyway. (It is something about how the database has to do something at that time of day.) So who are they making that announcement for at 7:10 am? None of us so stop interrupting my class!

Blog Stalker said...

OMGosh, that is so funny. I agree with Jewel that he probably just wanted mopre air time to himself.

You should unplug him and do your own home room announcements anyway. At least then the announcements about clubs etc would be heard.

Have a great day!

Veggie Mom said...

The term Blowhard comes to mind. Oui?

Columbia Lily said...

I THINK I KNOW YOUR PRINCIPAL. =) He must be related to my former principal. So many not-so-blissful memories.....

Brenda Jean said...

I have a theory-- no matter how cool a guy/woman may seem, when they become a principal they become DRY...yes, dry as plain white toast. Imagination flies out the window. I went to the awards ceremony this year at my sons HS--they have it the beginning of the next year rather then end of the current one (Odd I know). The principal gave a talk on Constitution Week-- the man had us snoozing after 2 seconds. He couldn't let the kids rap about the constitution or do a reader's theatre? ANYTHING else would have been good. Then they proceeded to give awards while telling us every 5 minutes to be "calm and quiet". Grrrrrrrr.... so, you are not alone in the world of boring principals.

April said...

You're freekin' hilarious. I had no idea high schoolers were this awesome. (Aside from the time I myself was a highschooler.) You're a better writer than like...everyone I know. P.S. I got the super scribbler award, and that's how I found ya!

April said...

P.S....I thought u might not realize that was a *joke*....but just in case ya didn't....LOL JOOOKKKKEE!

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