Saturday, April 26, 2008

Airing of the Grievances

If you don't watch "Seinfeld," you should. Even if it means buying the DVDs and sitting there for hours in front of the telly, trying to catch up. We prefer to watch the reruns on our local Fox affiliate, where Jerry & Friends conveniently air every evening at 7:30. Because of "Seinfeld," we have a Favorite Holiday: Festivus, for the Rest of Us. As we recall, George's dad, Frank, came up with this gem, which features, of course, a Festivus Pole and the annual Airing of the Grievances. Our Airing is much more often than annually, and we haven't vented in a while, so, Drumroll, Please!

The Scholastic Scribe's Top 10 (recent) Kvetches
(Anglicized from the Yiddish "kvetshn," or "to complain"):

10. People who text while driving really, really slow
(Don't know what we'd do with those who text while driving really, really fast!)

9. Daughters who don't empty the dishwasher unless urged--repeatedly
(Don't get us started on other things they fail to do, without either being
a) asked, b) begged, or c) downright threatened.)

8. Teacher Inservices: What's the Point?
(Bad Location, Worse Food. We spend time at school Justifying our Collective Existences, while the Durn Rugrats get to Sleep In.)

7. Speaking of Students: Those who journey to the Far Side of procrastination
(Procrastination is a good thing, to a point. We object to those who
Venture Beyond All Reasonable Limits. You Know Who You Are!)

6. Those who say they Don't Watch TV.
(We don't care for anyone in the Pretentious Category.
Más Très Chic to speak about the Tomes you are Commiting to Memory
than to gossip about "Desperate Housewives," oui?)

5. Professional Learning Communities: Seems Rather Redundant, don't it?
(The so-called PLC is the most recent in a series of 13 "New Education Strategies"
that we've learned in the past 14 years,
some of which are awesome; some, aka PLC, not so much.)

4. Neighborhood Lads who promise to mow one's lawn, then never finish.
(OK, he showed up at 7:45 p.m. two nites ago; mowed, after a fashion, semi-finishing about 3/4 unsatisfactorily. Hasn't Been Back Since. But we haven't paid him yet, either.:)

3. Professional certification examinations (specifically, the Praxis II in English Lang & Lit), which ask Educators questions about something called "Caesura."
(Sounds like something the Great Caesar caught while in his death throes. Turns out to be a poetry analysis term that has something to do with a Pause in the Action,
usually denoted by some kind of punctuation. Who knew?)

2. Those who Don't Comment on Our Blog Entries, nor Take Our Polls.
(You make us So Sad. Shed One Tear Here.
We think Politics was Too Tough for y'all.
Please note the addition of "Boxers vs. Briefs.")

1. Those who Kvetch just for the Sake of Kvetching,
without seeing the irony in each situation.
(We've always been irritated by Self-Proclaimed Victims.
Let's get off our Como Se Llamas and take some action!)


Anonymous said...

Yes, although Festivus comes but once a year, it's never too early to air grievances! I applaud your efforts to keep the spirit alive year-round, Festivus for the rest of us!

Melissa B. said...

Amen to that, Anonymous!

Anonymous said...

I totally agree with you about watching Seinfeld, I almost want to skip my classes to stay and watch. It wasn't until this year when my friends and I finally got all the jokes and it has become one of our favorite sitcoms about nothing.

Anonymous said...

I am pretty sure that "Caesura" is one of those operations for pregnant ladies to help get the babies out.

Kristin said...

My favorite is number eight.
It reminds of the fact that I have all 8 a.m's and my roommate gets to sleep while I finish two classes and she's just preparing for her first. Oh the joys.


Melissa B. said...

Anon: Funny, funny on "Caesura"! We delivered both our babies that way. What a pain...

Melissa B. said...

Kristin: The Teacher Inservices really are a BIG, FAT REASON not to be a teacher! And I'm only slightly kidding here! When we were in the Private Sector (and we complained about that, too), at least the meetings were in places like Phoenix, and tennis/golf were included!


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